Naidex is the UK’s leading event for disability, accessibility, and independent living.
The alarm
It's 5:30am, sunlight seeps through the cracks in the curtains. The faint sound of birds tweeting is replaced by the sound of morning has broken as my phone plays its alarm. I sit bolt upright with a big grin on my face and rub my eyes, letting out a loud yawn while stretching my arms out to the sides.
"yey! It's Naidex day!"
That's how I'd like to start this post, but it wouldn't be the truth.
It's 5:30am. 5:30am!! The clocks won't go forward for another three days, British Summer Time doesn't exist at this time. Therefore, no light seeps through the cracks in the curtains because it's cold and dark. Birds haven't migrated to these shores from warmer climates yet and the British birds are tucked up in bed with their heads under the covers, all I can hear is the distant drone of the M6. The sound of a fog horn wakes me with a start - I'm sure that's not the alarm tone I set on my phone. I take my arm from its warm and cosy place of rest and reach out into the cold bedroom to turn it off. "Shut the **** up", I mutter under my breath as I turn it off. I contemplate closing my eyes again and getting another hour of shut eye - surely it's not going to take me two and a half hours to get ready for my 8:00 taxi.
This is the sort of question I ask myself when my alarm goes off stupidly early on the mornings I'm at Headway - my bus/taxi won't be turning up for hours. "Surely it's not going to take two hours to get ready?"
It does though, my morning routine isn't anything unusual, it just takes me longer to get things done.
I was well aware of this (when conscious), however at this point the appeal to close my eyes again far outweighs logical thinking and I immediately fall asleep and an hour later leap out of bed cursing myself for what will now be a stressful rush to be ready. I'm no less tired then when I briefly woke up earlier. Was the extra hour of shuteye (which felt like 5 minutes) going to be worth the stress, destruction and bruised shins? Destructive because I'm trying to wheel around the house as fast as I can and I smack into walls and door frames in my haste. Bruised shins because I bash my legs against the frame of the wheelchair or bashing into the walls and door frames. Stressful, well, because I'm being destructive and causing bruising my shins, all because I wanted a bit of extra shut eye.
But on this occasion there was no questioning the alarm, I knew I had to get up. I'd been warned on the pain of death by Eva to meet her at Stafford train station at 8:30. Well, she didn't say it quite in those terms, but she is the type of person that will arrive somewhere half an hour before the agreed time in case there are any hold ups.
Eva told me about Naidex a few months ago, I'd never heard of it, but Eva had been going to it for about six years and is very much 'in the know' about any aids that would help me. Because of Naidex she knows about all of the advancements and all of the places you can go to do certain activities like abseiling, water skiing, cave walks...the list goes on, but I'm always amazed at what is available to me. This is a world that has passed me by. Eva isn't in a wheelchair though so I'd like to be able to speak to some of these organisations myself and find out exactly how they can help me. Her knowledge and help has been invaluable and she always says it's because of Naidex that she has the knowledge she does.
All we needed now was our good friend Kim to come along to make it feel like a day out. About a week before the event Kim was added to our travel party. So...
Road trip!!!!
well actually
Rail trip!!!!
I asked Eva when and where it is. "Birmingham NEC, it starts at 10am on Thursday March 26th" So I opened the passenger assist app on my phone, told it I was travelling from Stafford to the NEC, I wanted a return ticket, needed to arrive by 10 and leave by 16:00. It provides a list of options with differing departure times and any connections if it's not a direct train. You can view the station facilities of each train station you will visit on your journey.
Passenger Assist
I have used Passenger Assist a number of times now and it's absolutely brilliant. They take away all the stress of travelling by train - which for me is changing your travel plans at a moments notice because of train delays/cancellations. They get you on and off the train and change your booking for an appropriate train if required. They will then wait with you or come back to meet you, with ramp in tow to get you on the train. When you reach a station you are getting off at you can often hear the ramp being put into place ready for you to roll straight off. I've never had to wait more than a couple of minutes.
Cancelled Train
I got to the train station at 8:15 and met Kim and Eva in Starbucks. The train wasn't until 9:12. Eva noticed on the departure that our train had been cancelled. She leapt straight into action. Operation GetNewTrain was initiated. But it was an operation that was sorted for us because I had passenger assistance. Eva just told somebody I had booked passenger assistance, they checked what trains would get us to the same destination. We were switched to a train that would be arriving on the platform very soon, it would get us to Birmingham New Street earlier than the other train.
I expected this alternative train to be quite busy but there was nobody in our carriage. It was a simple journey to Birmingham New Street and fortunately we'd gotten this earlier train because we had a looooong delay waiting on the connecting train that would take us to Birmingham International. We weren't waiting for the train to arrive, we were waiting for it to leave because there were far too many wheelchairs in our carriage.
Unsurprisingly there were a few people in wheelchairs who were attending Naidex - the UK’s leading event for disability
Health & Safety
The train couldn't leave until they found a solution. A person wouldn't be able to get from one end of the carriage to the other, as there were about seven wheelchairs - some of which were lined up next to the toilet and in the walkway - people were having to stand in the aisles. I was crammed into the bit between the carriages where you get on and off. After about a twenty minute wait somebody from the train company boarded holding a mobile and asked if anybody minded having their photo taken as he had been asked to take a picture for their records. Nobody had a problem and we were ready to depart.
This wouldn't be the last problem we had with the train travel, but more on that later.
We arrived at Birmingham International, went underneath a large banner saying "welcome to the NEC" and went over a long bridge until we got to a lift. Went up the lift and began walking/rolling for what seemed like miles. Shuttle busses can be arranged to take you some of the way, but I assumed it would be like the shuttle bus they had in Gatwick when I was flying to Sorrento (see post - Sorrento Edition - Thursday 22nd June 2023) and I would have to drive myself.
Almost immediately my battery lost a light from it's range meter. The iM4.Elite from Easy Living Mobility has a range of 10 miles, a claim that I disproved in my post Just Call Me Phoebe Buffay. That test was done on roads and paths though, this time everywhere was going to be flat, I assumed it was going to breeze through this test. I had barely travelled anywhere under my own steam though, and it had already used a fifth of its range. I was slightly worried it wasn't going to last the distance.
We're here
We arrived at hall 20. I was a bit unsure whether it would be big enough, it was only 10,670 square meters (roughly 114,851 square feet). The ceiling is only about 10 metres, barely enough to house the climbing wall! Obviously I'm lying, this place was so huge I didn't even know there was a climbing wall! After we had lunch, Eva mentioned it. "A climbing wall?" I asked "I take it I won't be able to go on it?" "Yea you will, anybody can climb it."
Who Can Take Part?
Everyone is welcome.
You don’t need:
Any climbing experience
A high level of fitness
Special equipment
You do need:
A sense of curiosity
A willingness to give it a go
The climbing wall is open to disabled people, non-disabled people, families, carers, and first-time climbers alike.
The queue to go on the climbing wall was huge and everybody waiting appeared to be children accompanied by an adult. It was clearly meant for children - I considered shaving my beard off to try and pass for a 10 year old - my lack of an Adams Apple was finally going to pay off, the rest of my 43 year old appearance would ruin my chances though, so i thought I'd give it a miss.
Sorry I skipped ahead there.
We showed we had tickets and a Lanyard was printed out with my name on it, and we strolled into the venue. This place was huge, and - you'll never believe this - but there were hundreds of people in wheelchairs. Everything was laid out like New York City's grid system, the roads were purple carpeted areas, if you were lost you could direct somebody to your position by saying something like "I'm at Thermomix and 14th"...they would have no idea what you meant though as that is something I've just thought of. Every couple of meters the wheelchair would run over the join of the thousands of pieces that were making up the artificial floor. It wasn't quite as busy as New York but it would have benefitted from a similar traffic system, I was worried for other people's safety - I was exposing them to my dodgy driving. Fortunately you don't need a licence to drive one of these things, but that rule might change when they see the damage I can do.
There were some huge demonstration stands as soon as you entered, I presume these businesses had paid the most for what was prime position. As soon as I entered there was a guy demonstrating a wheelchair that was climbing stairs. There was a small crowd around him watching him achieve something that has flummoxed things on wheels for decades. Just ask Dr Who, whenever he's pursued by a Dalek he just climbs the nearest flight of stairs and the Dalek is buggered.
Behind this demonstration were several other wheelchairs spaced out as if they were in a shop showroom. I ventured in - taking care not to knock anything over, I presumed all of these wheelchairs/Transformers were as futuristic and expensive as the anti-dalek outside.
I was incredibly aware all the time I was here, "if I'm not super careful I could be leaving owing the GDP of a small country". In the absence of any mirrors I employed the LookaroundSignalManouvre rule instead of MirrorSignalManouvre. One might argue that I should be using this rule at all times...and you'd be right.
I ventured into the makeshift showroom and spoke to the salesman and found out that this was a Dutch company and he gave me a demonstration of what I would describe as another transformer, although - fortunately for the human race - if AI use these machines to take over the world, we will have ages to run away and hide while they wait for this thing to change. I've speeded up the video as it's quite boring. Impressive outcome though.
These battery updates are just to illustrate the battery was depleting at some point during the day. I'm not recalling the whole day, but this wheelchair allegedly has a range of 10 miles, 2 of the 5 lights aren't lit which means it's used 4 miles of it's charge. I'd be extremely surprised if I had travelled 4 miles plus every surface I'd been on was perfectly flat.
Thermomix
The Thermomix wasn't something we'd been hoping to get a demonstration of, but when we turned the corner and saw the stand Eva was telling us how brilliant it is. She's got one at home and has cooked every part of a roast dinner with it. I'm not much of a cook...actually, full disclosure I'm not a cook at all, I struggled to make toast pre brain surgery, and post surgery, my attempts to make beans on toast weren't exactly successful.
7.-8-08 OT
Hello! Tom has been to
supper club this afternoon/evening! Made beans on toast – pretty well except
for setting fire to the grill and shoving his hand on the hot grill pan! Aiming
to make home made burgers within the next 4 weeks (if we manage not to burn the
place down in the meantime!)
We stopped off to get a demonstration of this impressive bit of kit. The first thing I noticed was the touchscreen on the side. I assumed this was an add on that had been brought along to demonstrate the kit in its maximum capacity, but it comes as standard. In fact everything that was shown to us came as standard. The screen gives you access to 200 recipes, but if it has wifi and you have the app this gives you access to 100,000 recipes. It tells you how long each recipe will take, how many people it will serve, it guides you through every step telling you which components to use and what configuration to have the thermomix in. It does everything, it's got a set of scales with a pressure sensitive readout on your screen, it can be a blender, it can do anything from making ice cream and slicing fruit to add to the mix to roasting potatoes, or frying potatoes to make chips or cooking dough to make pizza or baking bread to make...erm, bread. It comes with a number of tools like a spatula to scrape the mix from the sides of the jug for your ice cream, you can attach a butterfly whisk so it can churn up whatever you've put in to your mix.
Obviously it gets itself messy making whatever you've chosen to prepare, so you can tell it clean itself. Just fill it with water, pour in some washing up liquid put the lid back on and wait for it to finish cleaning. Oh and don't forget to rinse out the water before using it again, otherwise you'll give a whole new meaning to the phrase washing the fruit and veg.
My kitchen has normal height counters, so anything I put on there I can't see into. For example I can't see into a mug so putting milk into a cup of tea is a judgement call, unless I put the hot mug between my legs and pour the milk in then I can see into the mug but this solution comes with a number issues. Cooking provides a similar problem, plus there are many different appliances/tools naked flames, hot cookers, heavy and/or awkward pans/jugs/bowls etc. The Thermomix makes everything in the one container, it's portable so I can put it on a table at a level that's comfortable for me.
This isn't intended to be a review, hopefully this has introduced to a Thermomix if you weren't already familiar with it. To find out more go to their website please don't read this waffle and decide it's not for you. Watch this product demonstration instead.
rollz
This was something I'd hoped to find at Naidex, I want to invest in a walking frame.
I have a Zimmer Frame at home purely for standing with so that I can stretch my legs. I used to have a rollator Zimmer Frame as well - a frame with wheels. Although mine only had 2 wheels at the front and legs remained at the back to try and stop it running away.
I can't walk
Okay, that shouldn't really come as a shock. I just thought I was being lazy and liked being pushed around while in a comfy seat. But, then I remembered, I used to own a rollator Zimmer Frame but I got rid of it because it was always rolling away from me or the frame would tip over if somebody didn't correct it. I couldn't be left on my own using it because it was guaranteed I would fall. Using it as an alternative to using the wheelchair was a goal I didn't think I would achieve, so I gave up and took the easy comfortable option.
All these years later I am regretting that decision. I understand the mechanics of what I need to do to try and walk. I know why the frame was always rolling away. I know why it was tipping. I may not be able to apply the solution, but one thing's certain, I definitely won't with a Zimmer Frame.
The walking frames from Rollz are heavier, they have brakes under the handlebars where you hold on and you can add resistance to the back wheels so it's less likely to run away. I met Paul Briggs at Naidex, who gave me his card and is going to bring a few frames for me to try at Headway as that is where I'll be using it the most.
Access Card
Kim was interested in getting an Access Card and if she signed up while we were there she could get it free. FREE! I'd just renewed mine two days earlier at a cost of £15!
Clockwise from top left: Level access, Essential Companions, Distance, Difficulty Standing, Urgent Toilet Needs, Difficulty with Crowds, Audible Information, Visual information, Miscellaneous
It's well worth getting an Access Card. It's so you can attend any participating venue and just show your card or quote your ID number when booking tickets online, and they will know what assistance you need. As you can see from the picture of my card - there are nine boxes at the bottom of the card. Three of the boxes are filled in signifying that I need level access, I have difficulty moving myself more than short distances and it would be significantly difficult to access services without support from another person. There are also six other disabilities you can declare. I had to get mine when booking tickets to see Roger Waters at The Utilita Arena in 2023. I needed it to prove I had a disability, a fake limp wasn't proof enough. They wanted proof I needed the chair for transport and didn't want to just be pushed around while sitting in a comfy seat.
At some point I lost another light. That's 6 miles?!? Apparently I've travelled another 2 miles since my last battery check. I'd be surprised if I've even travelled 1 mile
Another Careless Wheelchair User
While we were wandering around we came across a guy sitting on a wheelchair at the top of 5 steps. This along with the other steps were the only occasion I saw steps today, and on both occasions a person was atop them stranded in a wheelchair. "Poor bugger" I thought. "Oh well, there's plenty of people around, someone will be able to help him". But he started to descend the stairs. He - like the guy earlier - had also got a solution to the growing Dalek issue. This seemed to descend quicker than the one earlier, plus this guy didn't seem to be doing anything, the other guy was having to turn in his seat and reach behind him to hold onto the handrail.
I didn't stick around to ask questions which I regret but I've had a quick look at their website xsto.co.uk/ and there machines don't seem too expensive. It is advertising the XSTO M4 (which isn't this stair climbing model) but is foldable, self balancing, can off road and looks very futuristic. It's from £3,495, which is a lot for a wheelchair until you see what it can do. The stair climber is £11,995, which is a lot, but then I don't know how it compares to others on the market.
Thor Assistive Technologies
Towards the back of the hall we came across another huge space, that had - among other things - a treadmill. Just as we arrived a middle aged lady was helped from her wheelchair into standing by her friend/family member and two people who seemed like representatives of this company. The lady was wearing a pair of short trousers over her trousers, either she had made an extremely questionable fashion choice or she had to wear them to use this. I was distracted at this point talking to a member of staff finding out if I could have a go.
I could go after this lady.
The next time I looked over, I could only see her top half. Her legs were inside an inflatable cube. That explanation might not paint a very clear picture, but watch the video and tell me how you'd describe it. Her body started rocking as if her legs were moving. There was clearly some trickery going on here, but it would hardly get on Britain's Got Talent.
After about 30 minutes it was my go and I would be let in on the magic trick.
I had to put on the long trousers as well, which could actually have been a fashion choice as I almost put some on when I got dressed this morning. I then stepped into a hole in a fabric membrane that was draped over the running matt - Seriously, just watch the video and this will make sense. The arms of the treadmill were then raised and my special trousers were attached to the membrane.
While I had been standing waiting for them to set everything up, I had been supporting my weight by using the arms of the treadmill. The membrane inflated with air and all of a sudden I was able to stand up without having to think about what I can lean on or what could prop me up. I was encouraged to remove my hands from the sides and stand completely unsupported. "Really?" I asked, reluctant to fully trust my legs.
"Yup" She doubled down on her request.
For the first time in almost twenty years, I was standing unaided. I might have had thousands of pounds of technology doing all of the work, I might have been standing in an inflatable box, I might have been wearing questionable trousers but I was standing unaided. It was an extremely strange feeling, my legs didn't feel like there was anything pushing against them, it didn't feel like my legs were being held in position.
Next I had to walk. This felt impossible at first. The treadmill was set to 1km/hr which was just too fast for my brain to get the message to my feet. I was trying to move my feet quick enough to keep up with this painfully slow treadmill but I was getting into a complete tangle. I was raising my foot and quickly putting it down, but I didn't have the time to think about where it would land. I was treading on my other foot, I was frequently raising a foot to move it but before I could place it down, the treadmill had dragged my other foot away. Fortunately this magic box of air was keeping me upright.
The treadmill was reduced to the slowest speed possible and I started to get some sort of rhythm. I had time to think about the size of step I was taking and where I wanted my foot to land. It felt like I was in control of my motion rather than trying desperately to keep up.
I was absolutely knackered though. I was using muscles that haven't had to work like they were now for many years. I was saying to Amy - the physio who was helping me - that the lady who was before me was on the machine for about half an hour, I've been using it for seven minutes and I'm shattered. Amy did try and reassure me that each person is affected differently by their brain injury, "her muscles might not be having to work so hard" Amy explained.
I had a fantastic time at Naidex. Eva had been talking it up for many months and it didn't disappoint. It does help having great company. Naidex has shown me there is a solution for most things, some of those things are quite expensive and unachievable but it's great fun being able to come to something like this to try things.
I will definitely be going to Naidex 2027, well, providing the company is the same. Over to you Kim & Eva!
The battery remained on 2 lights. I'm realising that this might be a bit of an anti climax. Only an idiot would give battery updates for a battery that doesn't run out.
Getting home
Because our train had been cancelled on the way to Naidex our booking was lost for our return journey. Eva explained our predicament and we were told we could get on the next train. When the next train arrived we couldn't get on because 2 other wheelchair passengers had booked passenger assistance. Well, I had as well but that had been lost, and even though a train can carry many passengers, it can only carry 2 wheelchair passengers?!?
It took us 3 hours to get home. The NEC is the ideal place to host Naidex. It's vast, it's in the middle of the country and it's got good facilities. Unsurprisingly, train travel is shocking. If there were no cancellations and everything ran correctly there would still be the massive delay we experienced getting to Naidex and there would still be the problem getting home, because the trains aren't equipped for several wheelchairs.
It was about 10:25am, I'm supposed to be at Headway by 10:30am but I wasn't seen until 10:20am for my 10:00am appointment. As the doctor's surgery is about a fifteen minute ride on my iM.4 Elite from Easy Living Mobility I thought I could make it, along with my usual stop at Starbucks.
Ring Ring 📞
Me: Hello. Annmarie: Hello, are you coming in today? Me: Yes, I've been at the doctor's, I'm on my way now. Annmarie: OK, where are you now? Me: Just by Mill Street, I'll be there shortly Annmarie: Great, we'll wait for you then, you're about five minutes away? Me: Five or ten. Wassup? Annmarie: We're going to Laser Tag Me: .......................
My silence wasn't because I disliked Laser Tag, I can't say I'd really thought about in the years since I'd become reliant on a wheelchair for my mobility. It's an able bodied person's game. I associate it with people who can walk unaided. My silence was a substitute for a phrase that has become my catchphrase. I'M IN A WHEELCHAIR! But Annemarie's answer is always along the lines of "that doesn't mean you can't do it. Just try it" Knowing that would be her response I decided not to utter a word.
I got to Headway and everybody was waiting for me. We set off straight away without even asking if I wanted a few minutes rest. Rude! It was only a ten minute walk to Ten Pin and - get this - I didn't run into anyone or anything!
There's No Backing Out Now
The Briefing Room
The staff at Ten Pin didn't think there'd be any problems playing in a wheelchair. "I'll show them" I thought, let's see if they have that attitude at the end when there's wheelchair shaped dents in their walls and scrapes and scuffs everywhere. We were split into two teams and told to make our way into the briefing room. We went through a door into a corridor that was slightly wider than the wheelchair and a ninety degree right turn into The Briefing Room. No scrapes or scuffs yet.
On either side of the room were vests and guns for the two teams - red and green. It was handed to me as they were higher than I could reach. There is a target on the front and back of the vest for the opposing team to aim at. Unfortunately the back target on my vest was covered by the backrest of the wheelchair. I tried draping the back of the vest over the backrest, but it was too tight to my body to stretch like that. Oh well, I'll just have to play with this unfair advantage. What a shame... The gun has two handles and is held by both hands, but people generally don't have to ride around the arena and have both hands free.
Don't Try This At Home
We went into the arena which had the lights on at the moment. And what I saw was basically the most inaccessible maze imaginable. It was designed to give you things to hide behind and there wasn't one straight wall, presumably to make it harder to shoot somebody if they're constantly zig zagging and turning corners.
The two teams went to their respective bases, the lights went off (well, they dimmed down considerably so that it was harder to see) and my team started moving to the other side of the arena.
Rookie Mistake
To get into the base I had driven in forwards, I could have just turned on a sixpence so I could drive forwards to get out. I'd driven straight in I thought, I'll just reverse back out, how hard can it be?
It turns out very hard when some joker puts a wall behind you! How? I thought, a wall didn't suddenly appear behind me, so somebody must have put it there. My eyes were taking there time to adjust to the lack of light, so craning my neck to see behind me was pointless. Fortunately my back target was hidden by the backrest of the wheelchair and nobody could get in front of me, so, if I was smart I could just stay here all day and I would win...It took me about three minutes of edging backwards and creeping forwards to get out. My eyes started to adjust to the light and I started to make out what was blocking me...nothing. There was a wall in front and behind me. I think being able to see where you're going is actually quite important.
Better Watch Out Tom Shaw Is About
Headway's post on Facebook
Now I was free I made my way over to the opposing team's base. Slowly...very slowly. I was pinging off walls like a pin ball machine, fortunately all the walls are black and now that the lights are off you can't see the scuffs and scrapes I must be leaving on the walls.
When I said earlier this was inaccessible, the lights were on. Now they were off I had absolutely no chance. I saw somebody up ahead and pushed forward with all the power of the iM4.Elite, but I suddenly stopped dead as I'd hit a wall. I was actually looking through a hole in an otherwise solid wall. I did have the advantage that anybody fleeing from me were exposed to me shooting them in the back. I also had the disadvantage that my eyes are crap! I thought I was pointing the gun at there target, but the red laser would appear on there shoulder.
Today was a trip organised by Headway. I've been on a few outings with Headway before but they were local or close by so travelling wasn't an issue. This time we were going to Bewdley and oddly enough they'd invited me...no wait, I think they did...Yea, they musta done...Either way who cares, I was going to be there whether I was wanted or not.
Wheelchair bus
A mini bus turned up with one of the rear seats taken out and space enough for me to slot in. It appears this modified bus was pre-planned, so in answer to my earlier question, yes I was invited. They've met me as well so they know I'm an idiot. Oh well, there was no backing out now.
Richard (the driver) secured me in place using straps attached to my wheels and clipped into rails on the floor. While he was securing my seatbelt he told me he drives for Headway quite often as they go on several trips a year, and it used to be on the other bus but he will use a wheelchair bus from now on.
On Safari
Me looking at an Elephant
We arrived there in about an hour and a quarter and we immediately joined the queue of cars - after a quick toilet break and stretch of the legs. As I was strapped in like Hannibal Lecter I chose to stay on the bus and slowly fry as today was the hottest day of the year...so far (well let's hope we will get hotter days but there's no guarantees). The windows on the bus opened just enough that the breeze coming through felt like a gerbil breathing on you through a straw.
Everybody got back on the bus and the day started with a nice leisurely drive around the park, regularly interrupted by Giraffe, Rhinoceros, Ankole Cattle etc, sauntering across the road, The Rhinoceros in particular walks around with the authority of knowing it's the toughest thing on the park. The thing is basically walking around wearing metal armour, and with a horn attached to its face, nothing's going to argue with it. So confident nobody would say anything it decided to open it's bowels while it was walking and as the bus passed, it stared at us as if to say "and what?"
Unfortunately I have to say the access on the safari drive is abysmal. The ground is very uneven - in many sections it's pure mud with animal faeces trodden in. There are no ramps to be seen, there are no smooth walkways for me to roll along...There are even wild animals roaming around.
I repeatedly asked Richard to open the rar door of the bus as the asthmatic gerbil breathing on me wasn't keeping me cool, but he shouted something about health & safety from the front. I think that's what he said but I couldn't hear properly because of the Hannibal Lecter mask I was forced to wear. Apparently it was on Anne-Marie's insistence as I've repeatedly tried to bite her.
We spent a lot of time over at the Giraffe enclosure. Many of the giraffes were in the road blocking our progress, especially 1 female and 2 males. The female was trying to get away from the 2 giraffes I've nicknamed Donald and Weinstein. #MeToo obviously means nothing in the giraffe world.
We decided to go to West Midlands Safari Park. I was in the Nissan - a car I despised; I probably intended to stick red meat all over the car’s body and hope the monkeys would rip it apart.
Unfortunately, they were nowhere to be seen, they had all run inside because they didn’t want anybody taking photos of them in the Nissan’s vicinity.
Giraffes were the last set of animals, wandering amongst the line of cars as we queued to leave.Food pellets could be purchased from the gift shop, something we weren’t aware of. As we reached the giraffe section, we saw people putting the pellets on the roof of their cars. These awesome creatures were walking right up to them to eat the food.
I was jealous, so I said, “I’ll stick my hand out like I’ve got food and when it comes over it’ll be close enough to touch.
I opened the window and stuck my arm out as if I was offering food. A giraffe clocked me and started trotting over.
“It’s working” I announced excitedly.
The giraffe approached, didn’t pause to investigate and swallowed most of my forearm. When it realised there was no plant-based food on the end of this meat stick, it released me.
My arm was dripping in a gallon or so of giraffe spit, which has the viscosity of the thickened drinks that would later become my staple diet.
I reached for the sachet of wet wipes to find there was one left.
We got around the park in about an hour and a half. I couldn't reach my arm out of the chair this time as I was tied to the chair like I was being held for ransom and after I told this story nobody else seemed keen.
Inside the park
A poser
The entrance to the park is very wide and completely open so there are no doors to contend with. There are shops either side of you before you emerge next to the penguins in the 'zoo' part of the park.
There is acres of space here, there are various attractions like the Penguin aquarium, Reptile World, Sea Lion Theatre and the Dino Diner Restaurant.
We went up to Dino Diner as all that sitting around in the bus had worked up our appetites. The Dino Diner was up a not insignificant incline, well it probably is insignificant if you're walking, but it felt quite steep to me. It was nothing my iM.4 Elite from Easy Living Mobility couldn't handle however. West Midlands Safari Park can't dictate the level of the land, but they can dictate what terrain is on the ground leading upto the entrance, which is why it's curious that they would choose cobbled paving stones. Those walking on a warm sunny day like today probably wouldn't notice a difference. I however lose all the fillings from my teeth when rolling over them. That's a lie actually - I don't have any fillings. I jangled like you were shaking a piggy bank as all the loose change in my pockets rattled around. That's also a lie actually - who carries cash nowadays? They changed the terrain from perfectly appropriate tarmac (whether rolling or walking) to something that rattled me around like a maraca and is surely quite slippy to walk on when it's wet.
Dino Diner
Tiger
I didn't have to do battle with the doors as the back of the queue was all the way outside. Based on the shops I passed on the way into the park, I'm sure the doors wouldn't have been very easy for a wheelchair user to operate.
The floor is tiled and smooth as silk to roll across. I could get everywhere in the restaurant, everything is on the one level. The tables were nicely spaced out, some were round, some were rectangle and there were no legs to prevent me from getting close to my food. A lot of the time I'm sat some distance from the table or have to sit at an angle to get as close as possible.
You order your food when you enter and your given a disc like a miniature ice hockey puck. When it bleeps and all of the lights light up, your food is ready. Word of warning - Don't go for one of the Loaded Healthy Pasta options. They're cheaper than the other options (which at these prices is very appealing). I ordered the Beef Bolognaise which came in a plastic/polystyrene/paper cup thing with a woody/plasticy fork who's handle is so small I was constantly wiping bolognaise sauce off my hand. All of the sauce is plopped on top of the pasta, So you have a cup of plain pasta underneath. I looked on with envy as everything else on my table came out on plates. The fish and chips looked so fresh it must have been cooked just before it was put on the plate.
A Trip to the Loo
I took myself over to the toilets. The door into the toilet area (gents, ladies and disabled) has an inward swinging door that was light and very easy to prop open with my outstretched leg. Once inside there was plenty of room with the door into the gents to the left, ladies in front and the disabled loo to the right.
TOILET watch
The door to the toilet was unlocked and open to the public but didn't appear to have been used. I assume because the disabled toilet was around the corner, people didn't know it was there. The room was tiny, it was barely long enough to fit the wheelchair when the door was open. The door must have been about a millimetre from the back of the wheelchair. I couldn't turn the chair around to lock the door, so I pushed the door shut behind me and did my best contortionist act to lock it. I had to line up the chair directly in front of the toilet and do a complete 180 mid transfer. I did the same in reverse when finished, reached behind me to unlock the door and opened the door while edging forward...which I achieved after several attempts.
1/5:
A walk around the park
The upkeep of the park left a lot to be desired. That might sound a bit harsh actually, like I was commenting on how the animals were kept. I'm not, in fact the Hippopotamus are a good example of the big areas they are kept in.
I was referring to the pot holes. There are quite long walks between animals and there were several small craters scattered all over the path. I was studying the ground, not wanting to look up as the chair would have just fallen in to one. Just about all the paths are covered by brown thin dust that is very slippy underneath your fo...wheel. A number of times Richard had to grab my chair as I was steering in a different direction than the one the chair was sliding. I had no control.
All in all it was a pleasant enough day, but West Midlands Safari Park isn't somewhere I would choose to visit again. I think the wheelchair access is pretty poor, there are areas where no effort has been made. For example: There was a white lion enclosure, but the lion was nowhere to be seen. Some of our party walked down some steps to get close to the glass and could see the lion was sunbathing. You had to press your cheek against the glass. I had to take their word for it.
I saw a post from The Staffordshire Spotter on February 13th that a new independent bookstore - The Bookery - would be opening at Amerton Artisans in Amerton Farm. The post asked "Do you know of an established local author who would be interested?" Well I'm not established, but I am local. Oh and it said there would be cakes.
Well say no more!
I mounted my trustee steed (iM4.Elite from Easy Living Mobility) then immediately dismounted, folded the wheelchair up and stored it in the boot of a taxi from Westside/Aerobrights taxis, as it took me to Amerton Farm.
In case you didn't know - as I don't mention it much - I've written a book - Brain Tumours, John Bonham and Fat Pigeons - who am I kidding, if you've read any of my posts you'll know this poorly kept secret because as I'm reminded regularly by friends and family - I'll repeat that, FRIENDS AND FAMILY - "you're always banging on about your damn book!" well sod them, none of them have written a book...actually, that's not true. My dad's written three. The Larks, all this way for a shilling and Yellow Impi. See, I'm capable of banging on about other books as well, but back to mine now.
Any Jem Shaw fans should know that he edited my book. Feel free to leave a positive review on my book for this reason if you wish. Only positive though please, I'd rather people buy the book to find out it's only worthy of a one star rating.
Here was an opportunity to bang on about my damn book to a different audience. As I've learnt it's not easy to sell millions of copies on Amazon if people don't know it exists.
Amerton Artisans
As you go in through the main entrance, immediately to your left is the entrance to Amerton Artisans. It's basically a very large room with several small businesses. It's fantastic. I'd never been here before, there are several types of business here, for example homeware, gifts & cards, metalwork, arts & crafts... The list goes on. Check out the Amerton Artisans Facebook page for more info as this blog is about my wheelchair worries, of which there are a few to be found at Amerton Farm.
The Bookery
As you enter the hall The Bookery is on the opposite wall about fifty yards up. What a charming little shop. There are post cards pictures of 'Indie Authors' and short descriptions and multiple copies of their books. Indie Author means independent author. This store appears to be a great supporter of local authors. The store is quite small, I only stayed a few minutes before excusing myself as I felt I was taking up to much space. I was able to introduce myself to the owner and two local authors and showed them a copy of my book - well what did you expect? Afterall, I'm always banging on about it.
Amerton Farm
The access isn't brilliant, but I'm fairly sure it will be a listed building, so their hands will be tied with regards to what changes they can make. If it isn't listed I certainly don't hold it against them for not making changes that wouldn't be in keeping with the style of the farm.
For example I went into the tea room for a hot chocolate (the best hot chocolate I've had by the way.) But the door was quite old fashioned with a pull down handle. I was struggling to get in but a couple came to help me. They had to open the second door so that I could get through. If you've read previous posts on this blog you will know that inaccessible doors are a particular bug bear of mine. But I think in this case, keeping the old fashioned doors is acceptable.
However, the access when I got in wasn't much better. The tables were so close together it was a struggle to get the wheelchair through. I was having to move empty chairs from there place at the table or if people were sitting in them, they would inevitably have to move because the chair would be infringing on the tiny walkway.
As I was leaving the tea room I felt a tap on my shoulder, it was the lady I had spoken to in the bookery. She said she was looking on Amazon for my book but couldn't find it. She was keen to read about my story. I had hoped my appearance would open the floodgates and I would be inundated with requests for my book. I can't say it worked as I hoped, but I delved into my bag and retrieved a copy I had on me. She went to the table she was sitting at and returned with a £10 note and a copy of one of her books - The Haunted House 2. This was fellow author Ann K. S. Thayre. I say fellow author but that would imply I think I'm an author but I have only written one memoir, Annc has written five books.
Anyway Ann was a lovely woman who offered me very kind words of advice. Please check her out.
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